My First Crush

Let me clarify few things before I start writing this thing. It’s not that I have anything to do with a girl; on the contrary I am trying to avoid them these days. Now, now don’t you even bother trying to find out why this is so. Just one clarification over here is that I have not changed my preferences. But, I just was being kind of nostalgic waiting for a girl outside a shoddy pub let’s call it ‘laxative of stars’. This girl is supposed to be my looooooong lost childhood friend who used to play with me. Now after leaving the locality I had almost lost contact but, Social networking website lets call it ‘CHIRKUT’ came to my rescue again. We decide to meet each other for the old time’s sake. So, I was waiting for her. Doing nothing but getting bored.

Now waiting is not really my cup of tea. So i got a smoke stick, lit it and started sucking on it. Yeah, yeah I know I suck. Suddenly this brought all of my school time’s memories back. In the same way, I was waiting for one more girl on the road which led to her place, just to let her know that I had a crush on her. Poor me, I did not have any idea what prank was going to be played on me by my damn destiny. Now I saw this girl and literally ran and shouted at the top of my lungs to get her attention. What happened next, actually the dialogue that I had with her follows.

Me: Hey how are you?
She: I am good you say.

Me: Nothing much, actually I was kind of waiting for you.
She: What? Why were you waiting for me?

Me: err, I don’t know, this is what I wanted to tell you since a looooooong time.
She: I have to reach home in next ten minutes. So it would be great if you hurry up.

Me: I really don’t know what you will feel about me after I say this.
She: hurry up Kurtnirvana I have to study for tomorrow’s test.

Me: "I like you".
She: What are you saying? How can you say a thing like this?

Me: "What do you mean by How can you? I could not help it". “It just happened”
She: "I'm not that kind of girl. Stop thinking these things about me"

Well, only really dumb girls can come up with such kind of statements. What did she mean but "that kind of girl"? Did that mean "I'm not kind of girl whom you can get easily? Or is it that those kind of girls have horns on their head and a small tail popping out from their arse. Or you will have to try very hard to take me out and flaunt me ". Or did that mean "I'm not the girl who wants to get into these relationships. I can easily go out with anyone other than you" Or did that mean "I'm not kind of girl who will hate you for having crush on me". Or did that mean. “You have to inform me in person". Or did that mean. Ok Too many alternatives. I am really in demand and I will not go out with a petty person like you.

Me: What do you mean by *that* kind of girl?
She: Why don’t you just fuck off.

Wow. That's an innovative way to answer. Fuck off. Two words. But when she uttered those words with proper modulation and pitch, it created a fantastic impact. But why did she want me to FUCK OFF? Did I say anything stupid or vulgar? Anyways, it’s better not to ask for clarification.

Me: Sorry!
She: Its okay.
Me:(staring blankly)
She: (with bit milder tone) So since when is this liking thingie going on?

Well, did that matter now? Will you say yes if I said that I’ve had crush on you from past 1000 years. Or are you trying to find out the time I wasted on the liking and pay me the exact amount of money calculating the rate of interest? Well, is there any return in the first place?

Me: Couple of months
She: How many?

Well, she surely is trying to find out the time wasted.

Me: four months.
She: See Kurtnirvana. You are a very nice guy.

If I'm really that nice, why don’t you just say yes? Why the fuck do you have to ignore me? Or is it just for motivating me to pursue another girl you are saying this? Why don’t we just cut the crap and go around? I will really not feel bad if you say just a simple no.

She: You are very nice, intelligent. Don't fall into all these things. Concentrate on studies. You have big future in front of you.

Yeah. All right. I know I have bright future and there are many more girls who are going to be part of my crush list. Thank you for making me realize that there are many more opportunities waiting for me in future and, the world does not stop with you.

Me: Thanks. I hope there are no bad feelings in your mind. I just wanted to let you know the truth.
She: Of course. No hard feelings. Our friendship won't change for such a petty thing.

Ohh! So this is a petty thing for us. Hallelujah! I thought for a moment that she will stop speaking to me after this thing. Or was I being too childish to think like that? Maybe yes.

Me: Thanks
She: Btw, on this Raksha bandhan, I am going to tie you a Rakhi.

Well, now that was a bolt out of the blue for me. Such a big punishment for such a small wrongdoing? Now I realize how girls use this small satin thread to keep the guys under control. Now I was supposed to treat a girl as my sister. The same girl I had crush on few minutes ago. What the fuck is wrong with the girls


So that was the end of my first crush. It ended up adding one more girl to my never ending sister’s list 


The dating disaster in ‘Laxative of stars’ will follow soon I promise

Not worth a comment

Holy Shit! I just opened my eyes, and fuck! I have not updated my blog since the movie stopped Bugging me and the hero was back in 21st century ... I hope you do not think I spend all my time in front of a computer.

I am out of it with sleeping my way to the top, being distracted by the shiny star's on my ceiling, just generally being an asshole and retard to anyone unfortunate to cross my path. My day drifts aimlessly from playing word challenge in the office, straight on to midnight playing ps2. I am looking at rectifying this. But fuck if I care .

I solemnly swear on the bones of my ancestors I will write something that makes sense soon. Seriously sorry? I am really.

Charlie and Ch***ta Bananas.

No guys I am not really dead, I still am alive and kicking some mean Zombies around me even if it’s just in a game. So I kind of forgot that I also have a blog. Nothing much really going on, it’s just that I was quite engrossed in a 360 degree promotion campaign of Bananas Oh Shit! I forgot those were branded Bananas. Now if you ask me what’s wrong with me I really don’t have any clue about that because, according to some people in my new office I am suffering from a not so rare disease that’s known as, USRBS ( Unknown Stupidity and Retarded Behavior Syndrome) It’s really a simple disease. When I utter some statement that’s weird or absolutely stupid it’s called USRBS moment, Better known as my moment of glory. I think that I am actually getting out of this disease, as I am under heavy medication from Dr Che and Dr Jhayu. They never let me feel out of the place I am taking two doses of heavily sarcastic and mean comments from Dr Che, While Jhayu is giving me light hearted sessions of showing his recent injuries in creative manner. They all laugh at me thinking that I am really stupid and different, I laugh at them thinking that they all are really same.

Sorry if you are already bored but, I am really obsessed with those fantasy novel writer’s who always include looooooong ‘Epilogues’ & ‘Prologues’ before starting the actual story so, I thought of fantasizing myself(USRBS don’t bother yourself too much). So, as I was saying that I was busy in preparing a PPT for selling bananas online, my partners in crime were baby llubz and mou (no that name is not a spelling mistake, she’s bitten by the numerological bug). As I said in my previous post that I am almost not doing anything at all so Bunny Singh (Little Nat in new avatar) comes and drops a bomb on us a missile would be more appropriate as I never saw it coming. She has got some convincing skills I must admit, though she did not require much. I thought of making a lasting impression on my colleagues. I won’t hide things; I actually saw this as a big chance to show people that I am not really a retard. As this was the first week and I was happy that I was actually working on a big project. We got the brief in the mail, I went through the brief and the first thing I did was to get confused and the second thing well not worth guessing I ran to Che. The brief was kind of weird but when I saw the budget of the campaign I thought that I was really working on something big, little did I realize that it really was very big. The client, a multinational enterprise in U.S for fresh fruits. The aim of the campaign, to establish the brand as number one in respective category. Biggest competitor, local fruit vendors and ‘PRAWNS’, wait that’s not all the clients wanted to decrease the sale of prawns by 30%. Now, if you ask me why compete prawns and why decrease the sales by 30% and not 10, 15 or 35 I will reply in a typical manner ‘Fuck if I Know’( This is the answer that I got from che when I asked him the same question ). I think fuck it we will come up with some kickass idea of promoting bananas online. But to tell the truth I really had no idea on how to proceed, we finally were assigned to work under ‘the guy who loves rhino’. The best part about this guy is that he is absolutely poker faced guy; you never come to know what’s going on in his evil mind. This guy gave us a skeleton of presenting the product to the client and all we had to do was to layer it up with good flesh. We had finished 3 or 4 slides and got a theme revolving around chimps and suddenly ozzy came up, he went through the PPT and suggested some more creative changes. We started again and again the guy who loves rhinos comes up and suggests some more changes. I actually waited after the office to find interesting facts about eating bananas. The day of doom was upon us. Somehow with everyone’s help mixed and matched the final outcome looked like a faded levis jeans with lots of patches to cover the dirty parts and holes in the denim. It was my first presentation in the office so to make an impression I was wearing clean clothes. One good thing is that ozzy and jhayu did not show up as they were really enjoying at home with their imaginary friends. First time I had seen all of the employees getting together for a presentation and there was also a camera:-o. Poor us, I thought that this might be the way they work it here but suddenly, I came to know that there was a power failure and the presentation had been postponed to later part of the day. I heaved a sigh of relief, the later the better I thought. But the hour of reckoning was not really far.

We were called up at 4:00 as the guy who loves rhino introduced me to the middle man Chris who had come from the client’s side and who would decide on whether we get the contract or not. I once again saw a huge crowd and new faces all around me. I did get a bit nervous but it was llubz who had to start the show. Llubz started the show and got some weird questions listening to which even I tried hiding my face and laughing, I know its not good but the questions asked ranged from dumb to really funny and serious questions with no answer. It was mou up next on the podium. The funniest part of mou’s work was that she was supposed to search for communities and forums related to healthy eating where we could place ads for bananas and where we would get the leads from. She had a screenshot of a news article that showed Ch****ta bananas being fined for supporting terrorism. She was almost on the verge of crying. So what does a gentleman do, yeah right rescue the poor lady. That is exactly what I did but I found myself in the line of fire now. Oh! Wait did I tell you that the promotional scheme was that if you buy 6 dozens of bananas you get an ‘inflatable banana toy’. Now I am really not telling you what kind of questions came. Well if I would have stayed there for some more time with them it would really had been attrition on the first day. What’s more is that, they actually had the guts to come and hand us a letter. Now really, the first thought that I had in my mind was that all three of us were fired as the PPT was not up to the mark and we had lost a client and the CEO is so mad at us that, he does not even want to look at our pathetic faces and is firing us. Now once I opened the letter I was mad really mad and murderous it was simply an animated chimp on a banana saying that we were ‘RAGGED’. Damn I fell for it even after reading about it I fell for it. Well I guess, people are right I do suffer from USRBS.

Moral of the Story:-

If you read Blogs read them attentively and carefully as they might save you a lot of embarrassment.