Charlie and Ch***ta Bananas.

No guys I am not really dead, I still am alive and kicking some mean Zombies around me even if it’s just in a game. So I kind of forgot that I also have a blog. Nothing much really going on, it’s just that I was quite engrossed in a 360 degree promotion campaign of Bananas Oh Shit! I forgot those were branded Bananas. Now if you ask me what’s wrong with me I really don’t have any clue about that because, according to some people in my new office I am suffering from a not so rare disease that’s known as, USRBS ( Unknown Stupidity and Retarded Behavior Syndrome) It’s really a simple disease. When I utter some statement that’s weird or absolutely stupid it’s called USRBS moment, Better known as my moment of glory. I think that I am actually getting out of this disease, as I am under heavy medication from Dr Che and Dr Jhayu. They never let me feel out of the place I am taking two doses of heavily sarcastic and mean comments from Dr Che, While Jhayu is giving me light hearted sessions of showing his recent injuries in creative manner. They all laugh at me thinking that I am really stupid and different, I laugh at them thinking that they all are really same.

Sorry if you are already bored but, I am really obsessed with those fantasy novel writer’s who always include looooooong ‘Epilogues’ & ‘Prologues’ before starting the actual story so, I thought of fantasizing myself(USRBS don’t bother yourself too much). So, as I was saying that I was busy in preparing a PPT for selling bananas online, my partners in crime were baby llubz and mou (no that name is not a spelling mistake, she’s bitten by the numerological bug). As I said in my previous post that I am almost not doing anything at all so Bunny Singh (Little Nat in new avatar) comes and drops a bomb on us a missile would be more appropriate as I never saw it coming. She has got some convincing skills I must admit, though she did not require much. I thought of making a lasting impression on my colleagues. I won’t hide things; I actually saw this as a big chance to show people that I am not really a retard. As this was the first week and I was happy that I was actually working on a big project. We got the brief in the mail, I went through the brief and the first thing I did was to get confused and the second thing well not worth guessing I ran to Che. The brief was kind of weird but when I saw the budget of the campaign I thought that I was really working on something big, little did I realize that it really was very big. The client, a multinational enterprise in U.S for fresh fruits. The aim of the campaign, to establish the brand as number one in respective category. Biggest competitor, local fruit vendors and ‘PRAWNS’, wait that’s not all the clients wanted to decrease the sale of prawns by 30%. Now, if you ask me why compete prawns and why decrease the sales by 30% and not 10, 15 or 35 I will reply in a typical manner ‘Fuck if I Know’( This is the answer that I got from che when I asked him the same question ). I think fuck it we will come up with some kickass idea of promoting bananas online. But to tell the truth I really had no idea on how to proceed, we finally were assigned to work under ‘the guy who loves rhino’. The best part about this guy is that he is absolutely poker faced guy; you never come to know what’s going on in his evil mind. This guy gave us a skeleton of presenting the product to the client and all we had to do was to layer it up with good flesh. We had finished 3 or 4 slides and got a theme revolving around chimps and suddenly ozzy came up, he went through the PPT and suggested some more creative changes. We started again and again the guy who loves rhinos comes up and suggests some more changes. I actually waited after the office to find interesting facts about eating bananas. The day of doom was upon us. Somehow with everyone’s help mixed and matched the final outcome looked like a faded levis jeans with lots of patches to cover the dirty parts and holes in the denim. It was my first presentation in the office so to make an impression I was wearing clean clothes. One good thing is that ozzy and jhayu did not show up as they were really enjoying at home with their imaginary friends. First time I had seen all of the employees getting together for a presentation and there was also a camera:-o. Poor us, I thought that this might be the way they work it here but suddenly, I came to know that there was a power failure and the presentation had been postponed to later part of the day. I heaved a sigh of relief, the later the better I thought. But the hour of reckoning was not really far.

We were called up at 4:00 as the guy who loves rhino introduced me to the middle man Chris who had come from the client’s side and who would decide on whether we get the contract or not. I once again saw a huge crowd and new faces all around me. I did get a bit nervous but it was llubz who had to start the show. Llubz started the show and got some weird questions listening to which even I tried hiding my face and laughing, I know its not good but the questions asked ranged from dumb to really funny and serious questions with no answer. It was mou up next on the podium. The funniest part of mou’s work was that she was supposed to search for communities and forums related to healthy eating where we could place ads for bananas and where we would get the leads from. She had a screenshot of a news article that showed Ch****ta bananas being fined for supporting terrorism. She was almost on the verge of crying. So what does a gentleman do, yeah right rescue the poor lady. That is exactly what I did but I found myself in the line of fire now. Oh! Wait did I tell you that the promotional scheme was that if you buy 6 dozens of bananas you get an ‘inflatable banana toy’. Now I am really not telling you what kind of questions came. Well if I would have stayed there for some more time with them it would really had been attrition on the first day. What’s more is that, they actually had the guts to come and hand us a letter. Now really, the first thought that I had in my mind was that all three of us were fired as the PPT was not up to the mark and we had lost a client and the CEO is so mad at us that, he does not even want to look at our pathetic faces and is firing us. Now once I opened the letter I was mad really mad and murderous it was simply an animated chimp on a banana saying that we were ‘RAGGED’. Damn I fell for it even after reading about it I fell for it. Well I guess, people are right I do suffer from USRBS.

Moral of the Story:-

If you read Blogs read them attentively and carefully as they might save you a lot of embarrassment.