On Why I Am Single.

Be funny, and sarcastic.
Remember that great line by Nevada Smith from Carpetbaggers about how a gun is like your second cock? Well my girl did not. It was not that she was not a fan of Erotic novel writer but, she was not into reading at all.
Remember those Shitty humorous jokes about ‘how to kill babies’? She didn’t know those either. But if told those goddamn jokes to her, she would always remind me how gore my thoughts can be.
Women love a guy with a sense of humor, but they hate a guy who really knows how to laugh, don’t they.

Huh, huh... shut up, Kurtnirvana
The more you suppress those laughs when an old codger falls off, or sit stoned while when someone says the F word, the more your woman will love you.
They love a bit of fake sophistication, it depends on you how you don’t fall for that trap. Mentioning how funny you think CHE is will only have her fall more in love with you. I don’t really know what’s wrong with these girls. The next time with your fake sophistication you might just find yourself a DVD of Miss Congeniality as your birthday gift. :P
Next time you’re out at a fine restaurant, suffering through another of her birthday parties, and the waiter asks you what you’d like, just reply, “It’s Fuckin Falooda Time!” And make sure all the other guys in the restaurant can hear what you say, because they’ll be laughing their balls out but, on the inside. Try rescuing those poor guys. Tell them the truth, tell them all they need is counseling.

WTF! Was i Thinking?

No, No Don't Get me wrong this is not true. Yeah, i know it looks weird. but this was a Brilliant IDEA(WTF) by Che when he caught one more of my USRBS moments and took a screenshot. The Credit for this Post goes to CHE for his brilliant and Fuckin Funny Mind.

On a better not this was the actual status message

I love a boy & he also love me and he commitment me for marriage when he purpose me.before15month he purposeme? Amazing Yahoo Question


And after this picture has been freely distributed in the whole of my Office, I have nowhere to hide my face.

Rantings of an Imbecile mind.

Why did I Become a Copywriter? Oh, right, because I thought it would give me the chance to be creative while earning a good salary. I think I was a fool. I mean there is not point in saying that statement, everyone knows it. Well, for good salary I am not getting a salary, what I am getting is Peanuts. I envy Jhayu, no no, he does not get good salary as well, even he gets peanuts but, his peanuts are salted. Che is the most fortunate one he is the only person who gets money. As far as being creative is concerned there are very few opportunities to really be creative, and when they do come, your idea is either wasted down by your colleague, the Creative Director, or the damn client. In the end, you do something that does not look like what you originally thought of. It’s like you think of making a Dragonfly and you end up making something that is a combination of a dragonfly and a Cockroach So, this morning after getting 30 text ads disapproved by my BL (the man who loves rhino) I have decided to fight for what is right. To fight for great ideas and die on my own accord by my own desert eagle, if someone tries to mess with my creative ideas even, if they are not creative at all. I am going to fight for everything and I'm not going to let them take me out at the same time. I will make no mistakes...I'm not griping over a particular person over here. Though everything is going great right now, but I'm just saying, ye’know, in the future, when they try to bring me down I will simply poke everyone’s eye with my up yours finger.

About a girl!!!!!!!!

Heylo guys, Wats up with you these days, huh? Hope you did not miss me. *sigh* I don’t know till when am I going to fool myself that people actually miss me. Anyways, I know lots of people did not like my previous post it sounded like I was frustrated and nothing humorous about it. Well I know, but what was I supposed to do I was really frustrated. In any case lets not delve into the things from the past :P.

This is a really Funny shit I found out. The gibberish language that’s about to follow is written by someone. To be precise this is ‘ABOUT ME’ me from my ex’s Chirkut profile. I hope u don’t doubt my preferences but just for the record it was my ex-girlfriend. Followed is what I think about what she has written, Wherever you find the word spelt correctly, you will come to know it was me. Enjoy.



!!!...CuTe...!!!
**************************
Yeah, Cant disagree on this one.

!!!...SeNsItIvE...!!!
**************************
Well sometimes yes but most of the times utterly Insensitive.
!!!...SmARt...!!!
**************************
Really, huh?
!!!...InTeLlIgEnT...!!!
**************************
This thing is out of question. You can find the Intelligence quotient running in her “about me’.
!!!...FrIeNdLy...!!!
**************************
Yeah this is true. But, more friendly than required.

!!!...LoViNg...!!!
**************************
Really? But I was never the person loved.

!!!...CaRiNg...!!!
**************************
You can just change the word loving with caring.

!!!...SuPPoRtIvE!!!
**************************
Yeah damn supportive. She was so supportive that I don’t really have the words to describe the kind of support that I got :P.
!!!...UnDeRsTanDiNG!!!
**************************
Lol writing things about her is gonna make go crazy.
!!!...MooDY!!!

For sure I cant deny this.


hmm.... (go ahead think think)
bout me.... (really)
so lemme strt.... (tell me when will you stop)
adorable....naughty.....nasty....mishivious.....happenin....frndly....sweet..
cute...addictive......stubborn.....understdin.....trustworthy (redundancy, lots of spelling mistakes, “do u even need more proof on her intelligence”
extravagant dersires…..(well, well, trust me maybe for someone else never for me though )troublesome….(yeah this part was always left for me)
confused most of da tymzz……(yeah, this is for sure, even if you are not you can act really well)just luv mkin frndzz (did you forget only with boys :P)
totally a gothic behaviour......( What the fuck, I am sure please excuse her she really does not know what gothic means)
luv 2 b pampered a lot....(yeah by everyone except me)
happy -go-lucky character......(did u just speak about character?)
luv 2 b called sweet nmes....(whoa! I never knew dat. Would you mind to elaborate on what sweet means)
em 2 protective.....n possesive bout mah loved ones...(*sigh* Only about loved ones and not me)
lazyiest person on e@rth.....(i can vouch for her on this)
em a vry emotional person...lil bit of sprituality.... (damn man ever seen a spiritual atheist, on the contrary excuse her might not know the meaning of being spiritual as well)
ppl enjoy mah company loadzzz...(yeah every but does, except me)
just luv 2 hang out wid mah frndzz....(yeah, yeah right I agree. Who will know this better than me)
ppl get addicted 2 me vry easily....(yeah dats true, but on second thought this addiction is not long lasting)
lil bit of tomboyish behaviour at tymzz bt den gurlish 2……(for gods sake what do you mean by that? You are a girl)
mnny kiddas in me…..olwayzz stuck in new new problemzz……( yeah she finished off with one of the problems, ME. Well, about kidas (kiddas) I dun really know never had time ti check them out)
bt I luv 2 solve oderzz problemzz……(yeah right and then get entangled in them)n least bothered of mine……(no comments)
just luv 2 trouble ppl a lot……..(I was the biggest victim of this trait ask me)
em olwayzz in mah own world…..(where did u say your world was)
just luv 2 party ol da tym……(yeah right, I know that your idea of partying means to go to college and cooking in the kitchen)
n..
just luv mah family n frndz loadzz……( that’s where I did not fit in I guess)


Anyways, I would like to give out a disclaimer over here.

Disclaimer: -
The data contained in this file has been supplied by numerous sources, many
of which are anonymous and second- or third-hand. By its very nature, the
data contained herein is particularly susceptible to innuendo and rumor.
While I have exercised considerable editorial control by:

a) attempting to eliminate scandal, sensationalism, and/or slander,
b) seeking confirmation of rumors,
and c) expressing a willingness to debate the validity of included data,

I will not (and could not possibly be expected to) accept responsibility or
liability for any views/claims/rumours/errors that appears herein. The views
expressed in this file do not necessarily agree with my own. I have attempted
to present information in a professional and non-sensationalist manner, but
as far as the information itself goes, I am obviously at the mercy of those
who supply the data. The information is presented here in good faith for
readers' enjoyment and education; however, I will gladly entertain debate over
whether any specific piece of information should or should not be included.

DRONA or Ultimate RONA

I know I am dumb. I know I suck. But still why do I have to prove it again and again. This time around I proved it in a fuckin real retarded and idiotic way. So, you want to know how, huh? I watched D-Rona no that dash is not an error, the damn movie should have been named D-RONA, why u ask me cuz u will cry after u see it, you will cry from the pains of loosing your hard earned money. OH! Did I forget that you gotta have real guts to watch it in a theatre, inflicting a lot of pain on your damn ass for 2 hours. Yeah your ass will pain even if you watch it in a fuckin GOLD CLASS seats at FAME. You can trust me this time at least.

So even after reading this you don’t believe me, right? So I will become a real spoilsport and tell u the whole damn fuckin story( please accept my apologies for using the F WORD but, I am so damn pissed even thinking about the shitty movie that I just could not control my emotions .)

Come the first scene and you see a kid being scared by a nightmare (read Harry Potter living with Durseley’s minus uncle Vernon) come the next frame and u see a blue petal flying in through the window and the kind uncle Vernon (yeah right uncle Vernon is not mean in Indian version) says that the blasted boy is ‘SPECIAL’. I mean does he have a tail on his damn arse that makes him special. Come second frame and you see a full grown DRONA being bullied by a skinny and super cool Dudley (yeah who says that the movie is a rip off of many Hollywood movies). Poor uncle Vernon is dead by now. I think now the SPECIAL retarded hero will realize why he is so special apart from being an asshole. No but he still does not realize it. Come third frame and u see our own pathetic version of the LORD VOLDEMORT. ‘RIZ RAIZADA’ or some weird name, that too with an army of death eaters. Now, if I would have been Che I would have named him WTF villain but no, I will stick to RIZ I don’t want to write an adult post after all. I don’t really know why he wore a shitty makeup because; he was not looking scary at all. OH! But were they trying to make him look funny but, he was not even funny he was plainly creepy. Now RIZ is supposed to be an ASUR (“demon” for noobs) who is in search of AMRUT (A Famous Drink that’s supposed to make the drinker immortal, no u dirty mind it does not get u high) and our moron superhero is the protector of the place. And no, no that’s not all in come our lady Rajnikant or wait is it lady Mithun, Whatever I say, and our hero finds out after meeting her that he really is famous. Throw in some firang protectors or wait are they the priory of sion protecting the best kept secret on earth , who speak damn funny Hindi with weird accents which sounds funny even if the moment of the delivery is supposed to be dead serious. By this time I was planning to move on but no wait, the brave person I am, I decided to wait and watch the whole damn movie. One more proof against my innocence. And yeah this female Rajnikant can drive like she is racing for stakes against Vin diesel, fight the death eaters better than Hermione and what not. SHIT! Did I forget that every sentence that she starts has to begin with “Bauji Kehte The”. That’s ok with me I say as far as she gets kicks from saying whatever she feels, none of my business. Then throw in a weird looking colorful place with a even weirder name. OH! And a Strong guy with horns, bad teeth and chains around the neck, who is knocked off in one punch, strange I say. And finally the limit is a horse which would be better known as a bag of bones. No, no wait its supposed to be the fastest steed on the whole damn earth and what’s more is that it runs faster than air and no one can control it except our moron Drona. I mean seriously the horse looks as if it will fall down with malnutrition in a minute. No, no its still not over or wait I think I am done already I cant think more and feel guilty of being a retard. I will stop the torture now. PEACE with all ye fellows. But just one question, what do you get if you mix Harry Potter, some Fast and Furious, Da Vinci Code, Mummy, train chasing scene from Sholay, and colorful background from Gajagamini (for those who’ve forgotten, it was a movie by MF Hussein) Yeah, damn fuckin Right D-Rona.


So, now why don’t you just go to the nearest theatre and watch the damn movie. I am dying to get this RETARD shit off my head.

Adios.

Dating Disaster

Hello guys and thanks for waiting till I got the time to continue the ranting’s, of my dating disaster. Well I know for sure that you have not been waiting for this post desperately but, I will surely think that u have been waiting anxiously for this one. For this once, give me a chance to fool myself psychologically that, even I am a blogger in demand.

Well, well so where was I? Yeah, I was outside laxative of stars with a smoke stick in my hand. Now I know for sure where the BMC got the idea of their smoking tagline ‘A cigarette has fire at one end and fool at another.’ The copy writer might have seen me smoking somewhere while thinking of the idea. The girl I was waiting for lets call her ‘A’ was still not there. I thought that she might have been warned off by my jealous friends but, then I remembered that no one knows about her. This fact motivated me to wait for some more time. Finally her royal haughtiness arrived at the decided place 15 mins late. So it begins I thought.

Oh! I forgot to mention that it was also drizzling that evening and as usual I did not have my umbrella. So by the time she arrived I was almost shivering. We entered the pub and the only empty table was right under the fuckin blower. Reluctantly I rested my ass on the damn couch. I ordered my regular a pitcher and she did not order anything as she was fasting. Looking at her made me proud. Now you might be thinking why was I feeling proud and that too looking at her? Well for people who don’t know me personally I am skinny and she was skinnier than me. Looking at people who weigh less than me gives me a hope that even I have the right to live in this world full of obese people.

We had been chatting to each other since almost a month so; we had caught up on everything that we had been up to in past few years. There we sat opposite to each other staring blankly, Clueless on what to speak because we had chatted about almost everything. Now seriously, I had this random thought in my mind’ why don’t we just cut the crap and snog when we know already know everything we are going to speak about’ but, something stopped me from letting her know my brilliant thought. She saw that I was actually shivering under the blower. She started the conversation by inviting me to sit next to her so that I would feel a bit warm. Now, now, I got my hopes really high about this chick though, I denied the offer as I did not want myself to be branded as horny male on the first date. Truthfully speaking I was kind of nervous myself & lost in translation.
There was this friend of mine who told me about the logic on which a woman’s mind works, when you make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. I think that's the way the system is set up in reality as well. So the only thing I did was to wait for the DJ. The DJ happens to be a very good friend of mine. Whenever he sees me in the pub he starts playing rock numbers and I get charged extra for a cocktail or a mocktail depending on the mood of the DJ.

Some time passed and we were talking on everything on general topics. But, Behold, the time of reckoning was fast approaching. LO! And it was there already. The DJ played my favorite song and I felt like dancing. Well usually I don’t bother dancing when I am with my friends; I just concentrate on drinking beer and getting drunk. So I asked her for a dance just the way a gentleman does and she DENIED. Damn man! That was bad what did she think. Well, but you can always count on me to make things worse. So, I don’t know what happened to me suddenly and I picked her up and put her on the dance floor. Shit! How could I even do that but, but if you even know a bit about my nature it wont really come as a surprise to you now, you can’t cry over the spilt milk, can you? Well, I don’t know she really was embarrassed I think. If we could have waited for some more time on the dance floor I guess house keeping guys would have required her to be mopped off the dance floor. Fuck man! How could I be so ignorant? Anyways it was time for her to leave. So just like a gentleman I decided to drop her home. In the way again I decided to push my luck but, no I am not discussing that here right now or you might just start getting wrong ideas.

Well guys I have not yet discussed the whole date clearly, these are just the excerpts of it. Neither I am going to discuss it cause that girl ‘A’ is a visitor to my blog. :P

Here ends one more of my great adventure.

Stay tuned for more disasters. Till then Chao